Friday, November 28, 2008

Techniques and Secrets

everything here is a generalization. "Most guys" means most guys, not all
guys. With that in mind...
Most guys are very different than women, when it comes to what they enjoy. With women, starting out very slowly is more important. With guys, there is a much better chance that the guy will be impatient, and there is most definitely a lower overall standard as to what most guys will enjoy. When starting out, the best bet is to start slowly, and indirectly. Men tend to be more visual than women, stereotypically, so part of taking your time would include almost touching...kissing around the rest of his body (depending on what's accessible under the circumstances), caressing, but not necessarily actually touching his erotic zones, yet. When doing this, remember the "many guys get impatient" rule. The longer you can drag out each step (while still making progress), the better, but some guys don't want much of this at all, and if you pay attention it should become obvious. Unfortunately, another general difference is that guys are less expressive.This is a shame, because it keeps them from enjoying it as much, as well as making it harder for you to tell what works with them. I cases like that, talking about them perhaps being more expressive, especially by telling them it excites you (hopefully this is true), is the best bet...but only if your relationship (or their personality) is secure enough to allow it. The other day, on Don & Mike (radio gods), a woman caller bragged that her nickname was "eight seconds", meaning the time it took her to bring a guy to orgasm from fellatio. While a sizable portion of guys do actually like that, it is not the way to give the best orgasm. In fact, it's the worst way. Remember that some guys do prefer it, though. See, the longer a guy is "tortured" (as one of the best fellatio artists I know puts it), the stronger his orgasm will be. "Tortured" means "kept
sexually excited, and stimulated, but not actually allowed to have an orgasm".

DO NOT be afraid to use your hands. If he's not one of those get-it-over-quick
(GIOQ) types, there are many things you simply cannot do with your mouth, but can with your hands. Specific techniques in the advanced section. Even among eroginous zones, don't stick only to the penis. Some guys have more sensitive nipples than most women, The scrotum/gonads (I mostly use technical terms, just to keep things consistent...I can write great erotic literature, but that's not what this article's about) are also essential, if he's not a GIOQ type. The cheeks of the butt, on both men and women, actually have some automatic sexual response linked to them, especially from repeated pressure. This is because our distant ancestors often had sex "doggy style", and so a patting sensation on the butt was a good standard signal for hormones to start moving. Guys have it too, for the same reason they have nipples. A good butt massage, or perhaps gently rhythmic pressure, can really get some guys going. The anus should be carefully mentioned here. I say carefully because, of course, a lot of guys feel uncomfortable with attention to it. But it is an erotic zone, especially because it includes the prostate gland. But more,
again, in the advanced section. Once he can't take it any more, or you can't, the question of spitting versus swallowing comes up. Some people, in an attempt to not offend or upset, claim that it's not really a big deal. But it is, overall. Of course plenty of guys really don't care, or don't even like their lover swallowing, while even more haven't had the chance to find out the difference. But for most guys swallowing makes a (positive) difference. This isn't just because it feels better, or more intimate. It's also, perhaps even mainly, because spitting, or vading the ejaculation altogether, brings on (even if they consciously know it's not the case) a sense of rejection (conscious or subconscious). For a woman, imagine a guy starting to go down on you and then making sputtering
noises and wiping your juices frantically from his tongue and lips. You might find it a bit disappointing, if not just plain hurtful, wouldn't you. If you're a guy reading this, then you don't need an example, you've probably had it done to you. But most guys are used to lovers not swallowing, so I only bring this up so we've made clear which way's more likely to work "best". Don't forget that, though guys have a different kind of insecurity than women, they do have frail egos...they just hide it more. So excited smiles/faces and noises can, with some guys, make a big difference in how much they enjoy it. Condoms This is your call. The odds of the blow-ee catching HIV/AIDS from the blow-er are probably about the same as if you were shaking hands. The odds of the person sucking/swallowing catching it are way less than the odds of transmitting HIV/AIDS by coitus, and astronimically less than catching it from anal sex, which makes up probably more instances of transmission than all other forms of transmission combined. In fact, there is little evidence at all of HIV/AIDS being transmitted to someone who was performing fellatio, aside from a few people who had a form of gum disease that resulted in a lot of open cuts in their mouth. Oh, it's worth note that you get tiny cuts in your mouth when you brush your teeth, though they heal in minutes, so you might want to avoid brushing right before fellatio. Try chewing gum instead, I guess. Heh.

Advanced Techniques
Swallowing (without it tasting really bad)This is possible. In fact, only a mental barrier stands between those who "can't" and those who can. But you have to know the technique. Oh, I should point out that a large minority of people enjoy the taste, either for the flavor or because bringing that kind of pleasure to their lover is so wonderful. But a larger number think it can taste pretty bad. This depends a lot on the guy himself (each guy tastes different, some very much so), and also on what they eat (rumor has it that fruit makes it taste better, and fatty foods make it taste worse, as do some spices). The trick is to not taste it at all. This sounds too simple to be true, but: When a guy starts to cum, the typical response is to try to pace it a bit... to hold it in one's mouth for a moment before swallowing. This is the only reason one tastes it. Instead, just start swallowing, immediately and hard. If you can get te tip into the back of your mouth without having a gag reflect problem (more on that later), the ejaculation will go completely down your throat without you tasting it at all. All that's left is a vague aftertaste, and even that is much weaker than if you had allowed it to stay in your mouth. This technique fast-swallowing actually feels better, to a lot of guys, than if you had paced it normally. Deep Throating (overcoming the gag reflex) A penis in the back of one's mouth sometimes makes them "gag". So does a finger, or a banana, actually. I put quotes around "gag" because it's sorta an illusion. The "trick" to not "gagging" is to not interrupt the reflex. What, technically, is happening is that your body is trying to swallow, and a finger, penis, or banana doesn't cooperate. Some people can learn to just resist/ignore the reflex, but even better is to turn it into a real swallow. I believe (don't try it at home) that's how sword swallowers do it. Certainly it's how "deep throat" technique people do it. It's really just that simple. When you would have felt like
gagging, you swallow. I, personally, have confirmed this with a banana, and a finger. This isn't just for swallowing (which it helps). It can feel very, very good for fellatio overall. Texture (don't just keep repeating a single motion) But don't forget texture. OK, the largest minority of guys doesn't care at all about variety (in a single session), he just wants rhythmic pumping. But in that case most of these techniques are wasted on him, anyway. But the rest of guys, a majority, are in various categories of liking at least some change at some point during a specific fellatio session. I should bring up the texture thing at the end of every section, but to save time and space I'll just hope you remember this paragraph. Switch from one technique to another every so often during a session, if he seems to respond well to that. Try to make the change smooth and natural, don't just stop one thing and start another. And we're not talking about switching every few seconds...more like every few minutes, maybe even longer.

Various Other Oral Techniques
Sucking really hard: Some guys hate this, but some are amazed at how good it feels. This is especially good as a "texture" (variety) change during a blowjob. This doesn't just mean sucking at one constant really amaze him, try sucking hard just on the out-stroke, or just on the in-stroke (a more subtle effect), or actually pausing any motion while doing it. Licking You may think this is obvious, but it's not, really. Especially since many guys seem to just expect a rhythmic head-bobbing sorta suck-fest. But licking is another technique that can be surprisingly effective. Especially at two points - Early on, before you've actually touched his penis and are (in theory) exciting him by working up to it. Licking is a great way to make first contact. The other time is when you've prolonged things until he's so hard and excited that breathing on him seems to get him close. Trace the lines and textures of his head (glans), down the ridge of his shaft (the side away from his belly/abdomen, more on that later), his balls (more on that later), and even the exact point where the inside of his thigh meets the skin of his scrotum, on each side. That last spot almost deserves its own section, because it can be very effective. Especially, again, early on before you've focused on his penis, or after he's really, really close. That area can also be sucked on, at other some men this is very stimulating.

Giving him the shaft: The line down the shaft of his penis, on the side opposite where his penis would touch his abdomen if pressed against it, is one of the best-kept secrets. This is because its effect isn't obvious at first. But firm, rhythmic stimulation at some point along the line down his penis on that side (where exactly it is depends on the person) can have a startling, strong effect.
Depending on the situation, this can be done with fingers, the tongue, or firm
sucking (just on that area).

Having a ball: This varies so much from guy to guy that it's kinda hard to nail down. Some guys are almost indifferent to their balls/scrotum being given attention, or are even uncomfortable with it...but more find it at least a nice change, some find it fantastic. Various techniques include sucking a whole "ball" into one's mouth, and gently fondling it with the tongue, while it's there. This can't be done for very long without becoming uncomfortable, though. Or licking about firmly at them when not in the mouth, or to suck at the skin itself. I don't think I'll go much into analingus/anal sex. That would probably require a whole separate article. (OK, I got enough questions about it that I decided to write an article on it: Advanced Anal Sex Techniques) Suffice it to say that a minority of people find this very stimulating, and technically it should be, considering the proximity to vaginal sexual nerves (women) and the prostate(men)...but most people are little (or more) uncomfortable with it, performing or receiving. But, nearby, one has the base of the scrotum, going in a line toward the anus. There is a spot along there which can be licked, or better yet gently pushed with a finger in a rhythmic fashion, that stimulates the prostate. This allows one to avoid the whole butt thing, if they're uncomfortable with it, and still get a little of the almost magical effect that stimulating the prostate can have. This may need to be something done rhythmically for more than a little hile, with the penis being stimulated at the same time, to really work well. Gentle, but firm. Hands: A lot of the best techniques involve hands. If you or he insists on sticking to purely oral, then a lot of amazing stuff is missed. First, there's obviously caressing. This can be done all over the body, and not just during the initial build-up phase. This is also a great thing to do during pauses, when prolonging things when he's too close to orgasm too soon. The Cock Pull
One really effective trick for direct attention to the penis is to use both hands, but only in one direction. Saliva may be enough for this, depending on the situation...but some additional lubricant, preferably oil-based, may be necessary. Starting at the base, slide a hand up toward the tip, placing the other hand by the base. Just before it comes off of the tip, start the other hand moving up from the base toward the tip. While doing that, put the other hand down on the base. Keep this up, slowly getting faster. This works great with a really hard penis (and it's so different/stimulating that he'll probably have to look (or ask, if it's dark) to see what's going on)...but it's also a great trick for someone who's not erect yet (or even having trouble with it). This, obviously, is the one sure way to have a pumping-type stimulation whether hard or not. It's my understanding that this works miracles on some people who, say, are using blood pressure medication or have some other erectile problem. The opposite works, too, though only with an erect penis. I mean starting on the top and sliding down to the base, starting the other hand on the tip before the first finishes, et cetera, back and forth.
The Drum: If you want to really amaze him, and have him trying to find out what you're doing, try this - gently wrap a thumb and index finger around his nuts, to pull them (again, gently) away from his body slightly, until you have a slight sort of surface tension on the "end" (spot farthest from his body), a bit like a bulging drum. Then gently (OK, with a very few people it can be more forceful, but work your way up to it) run your tongue in a circle around that "end" area. If one right (and it's hard to get just right), it creates a really amazing sensation. This won't get most people to orgasm, but it does feel really good. With a few people you can even use your fingertip. Or fingernail, though to me that feels a bit too much like a knife. Hands are also a good backup plan for when your mouth tires. The best tactic is make switching back and forth a normal part of your technique, so it's not obvious if/when you do need to take a rest break for your mouth. OK, there's a ton more I could write...but hey, there's also a lot I didn't include in Advanced Cunnilingus Techniques. I'll probably get back and spruce both of them up, eventually.


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